Monday, May 12, 2008

A girl named Supermindy

I'm not really sure how to start this..

I guess I'll start with saying a little about myself.

My name is Mindy and I live in Sydney Australia. I moved here to be with my husband. I'm from the United States. My father was in the navy so we moved around a lot. I’ve spent most of my life in Maine.

I met my husband online 3 years ago and we fell in love. He flew over to the United States to meet me. It was amazing. He spent a month with me. Having to say goodbye to him was one of the hardest things i ever had to do. So I then flew over to Australia for a month to see him and to meet his family. It was amazing. I loved every moment of being with him. However it had to end. I flew back to the United States and waited for the next time I'd get to see him. He then came over again for 2 months and during that time he proposed to me. I of course said yes. From then on it was trying to figure out how to move to Australia and plan a wedding from another country.

We finally got married August 5th 2007 on top of Mt. Kiera in Wollongong NSW Australia. Most of my family was unable to attend but my Mother, Father and aunt Miggy did come.

Once my family had left reality set in. This was my new home. I've had to deal with the major culture shock of moving across the world to a new country. Everything that I knew and was familiar with was no longer.

So I’ve been here in Australia for 9 months now. I probably should have started this blog a lot sooner. As I’ve had a lot to talk about. Every day is a new learning experience.

I must also let you know that I’m Bipolar and suffer from extreme panic attacks. Which brings me to why I felt that i needed to start this blog? Lately I’ve been having a lot of problems. I went a long time dealing with everything in my head and not letting anyone know about what really has been going on. Until recently when I did something that became a major wake up call to me. It made me realise that I’m not really quite handling everything by myself. So I felt I had to tell someone. I broke down and confessed everything to my husband. I went to the doctor recently to get put back on medication and see her again tomorrow to discuss an increase in the medication because it's just not good enough.

A few months ago.. I got a job (My first job in Australia) I was nervous but not any more so than the first day of work at any other job I’ve had. My new job was a diversional therapist working with psychiatry patients at a hospital. How ironic considering my past.

Anyways this job forced me out of the house it forced me to interact with people. I’ve never been good at this. I’ve always been a bit of a loner I’m not a good friend. I never call anyone I never make the first move to go “hang out”. However I do put on a good show. From the outside no one knows what goes on in my head. I can act “normal” I can be friendly and outgoing. Inside my head is where the problem really exists. I’m a very scared closed in human being who is afraid to step outside the front door to my house. The thought of having to go somewhere makes my palms sweaty, and my heart race. The closer I get to the front door my head starts to pound and my heart feels like it’s going to come out of my chest. I have pretended for so long that I can do it. I can leave the house with no problems. But that’s not really the case.

So going to work every day put me in a state of panic. Not only was I leaving but I was also going somewhere I had to interact with people and start conversations. I managed it for awhile until it got to the point where I would be having these panic attacks at work. It started out small I would move myself away from the people and take a stroll around the hospital to try to get my mind off of it. Then it got to the point where I would lock myself in the bathroom until I could handle stepping out. It kept escalating until it got to the point where I avoided the patients I was supposed to be entertaining. I would find any excuse I could to stay in my office and not have to face anyone.

While this is all happening I’m also dealing with the extreme bouts of depression that go along with the bipolar. I was fighting with my head constantly. It became so exhausting that all I wanted to do was sleep. When I wasn’t sleeping I was arguing with myself. My head wanted me to cause a car accident. I didn’t want to die I just wanted to hurt. It got so bad that on my way home from work I intentionally ran through a red light.

At that point I knew I couldn’t cope with this on my own any longer. I wasn’t dealing with it. It was running my life. I needed help. That day I talked to my husband and just broke down. I told him everything. I was scared. I don’t want to die I don’t want to hurt myself or anyone else. I really just need to get help.

9 <3 me:

Emily. said...

You came to the right place!

First off, since you just found us online and I believe Melyssa was wearing long sleeves at dinner... we both understand where you're coming from. Melyssa is bi-polar (she's been off meds for almost 1 year exactly) and I'm borderline.

Mental health, or the lack thereof, is our forte. We're both currently healthy, but we know it's a struggle. I'm actually looking at going back on meds after this pregnancy. We'll have to wait and see though with breast feeding and all.

Secondly, I love that you two decided to get engaged after just a few months "together". Melyssa proposed after only 3 months together in person as well, and I moved here having never been here before. When it's right, you just know it!

We've talked seriously about getting married on Mt. Keira but weren't sure how to go about it, how'd you guys do it? One of the parks? The lookout? A venue?

melyssa. said...

You. Are. So. Me!

Oh my god. That was like reading something I had written.

Let's stick together.

I knew I felt a kindred spirit in you.

:)

Dude, seriously, any time.

~Melyssa

SuperMindy said...

It's really something very difficult to live with. Especially since I've gone 3 years without medication and now to know that i can no longer control myself and i have to take medication again is very hard for me.

I'm glad you both understand where I'm coming from. Nathan is really worried about me and doesn't know what to do for me. It's hard trying to explain yourself to someone who doesn't have it themselves. How can they possibly understand what we go through.

Before Nathan proposed to me in person we had been talking about spending our lives together for a while. We even got e-engaged and e-married online. You learn so much more about a person when you have only the internet and phone to communicate. Because it's not like you can sit there and not say anything. You have to talk. which is something most couples don't do. We learned so much more about each other when we weren't together then we probably ever would have learned from being together in person.

If you're interested in getting married on Mt. Kiera i HIGHLY recommended it. It's beautiful and they do everything for you.
Here is the link- http://www.mountaintopweddings.com.au

We did the small lookout wedding. It was perfect, the view was fantastic. They cater it and provide you a discount on your wedding cake and flowers. They do the decorations. I'm not sure of how much it cost us total. I have the receipt somewhere I'll look for it. If you want to see pictures of our wedding just let me know and i'll email you a link. Our wedding colors were black and white. =D

We should meet up again sometime. I know you're almost about to pop Emily so i would understand if you didn't want to travel or socialize. But if you're at all interested I'll force myself out for a day to see you both.

Emily. said...

We got e-engaged and e-married too. :)

And just last week or so Melyssa and I were out to Mexican again and said we wanted to get together with you guys before I pop. I'll talk about it with Melyssa because I don't remember where you live (and even if I did, I wouldn't know where it was) and see about getting something together.

We can all make Nathan feel uncomfortable and talk about lack of mental health. :) I only got healthy the day I found out I was pregnant, I'm still learning how to do it myself.

SuperMindy said...

We live in Campbelltown but we can go to Wollongong to see you. It's only like a 30 minute drive or something.

Just let me know when is good for you.. Anytime on the weekend is okay for us. Since Nathan works all week long

melyssa. said...

Black and white!

No way!

That's OUR theme!

Seriously, tell her honey.

You can't make this shit up.

:)

~M x

Emily. said...

She's serious. :)

We're going to have vintage/alternative dresses that are primarily white with black accents. And our guests are going to be required to wear all black.

On Mt. Keira.

She's right, this is RIDICULOUS. Who the hell are you people?!

We have some shopping we want to do in Campbelltown (any excuse to shop!) so I'll leave it up to Melyssa to plan with you.

Nathan said...

Hey all.

As you asked about the costs, I thought I would leave a note (I'm the one that stays up at night worrying about the money after all!)

The wedding was small & they had a rate of $45 per head.
That includes $2 per head towards the cake & $2 towards the table flowers.

Vito was such a nice guy though, if you didn't want to get the cake or table flowers through the people they are connected with, he would just take the $2 from the price.

We also got some silver sashes for the chairs as the gold ones that came with the package were hideous.
That cost $2 per head too!

And to have the ceremony there, was $500. They supply power (for cd player etc) and if it happens to rain, they are ready to move you inside at a moments notice.

We got the cake from the people they recommended (Torinito cakes or something), and it was fantastic, Mindy should post pics ;)
It came to about $500 because we also took the option of having the cake people made out of icing instead of the standard plastic people. (We have yet to eat them though!) (the icing people were an extra $100 on the base price)

The photography was a gift from my Sister.
Along with being a brilliant head English teacher, she is also a wedding photographer & quit good at it.

She also did the other flowers for us at cost ($150 i think). (She likes weddings & organising!)

All up, for about 35 people or so, we spent about $4500.

Tors said...

Hey Mindy... just me popping in to say hi.

And that I understand. I really really do.