Wednesday, June 11, 2008

My mom is coming to Australia!!!

I am sooooo gosh darn excited that my Mom is coming to Australia. She will be here from December 18th till January 15th.

Also my aunt will be here in 17 days..

I am so happy to have visitors.. It has been so lonely here without my family.

I have an appointment today with a psychologist. Finally I will have someone to talk too about my problems I've been dealing with the last couple of months. I don't think I've ever been this excited to see a psychologist. It's just remembering back when I use to see a counsellor I actually remember it helping me to talk to someone on a regular basis about these things that build up in my head.

It's an exhausting fight everyday between my brain and my mind. My mind tells me one thing and my brain tells me a different thing. I have to try and decipher what is actually right and what is wrong.

That may sound completely confusing to people who don't have a mental disorder. However just imagine walking into a busy shopping center and everyone staring at you and calling you names and laughing and making fun of you. That is what my mind is telling me. My brain is telling me that these people didn't even notice I walked in.. they're having their own conversations between their friends and family and not laughing or staring at me. not even noticing me at all. It's extremely difficult to figure out which is right and wrong.

Another thing is my mind is telling me that these ideas I have are completely sane and if I do it, it would be the best idea I have ever had and I would be brilliant. However my brain is telling me how stupid that idea is and if I do go through with it I could quite possibly kill myself. Like with the car accident I wanted to cause. My mind was telling me this is a great idea. If I just run that red light It wouldn't hurt it would be fantastic and feel wonderful. However my brain was saying how stupid that is and how if I run that light I could quite possibly kill myself or someone else.

how do you know what right and what's wrong?

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