A girl named SuperMindy

We bought our tickets!

2009-09-06T10:03:00.002+10:00

We leave on November 24th and come back on Jan 4th. We got our tickets for a MASSIVE bargain 951 dollars a piece.

I am so excited this will be my first time going back to the states since I moved here 2 years ago. So much has changed, The economy has crumbled and we have a new president in office. I am so excited about our new president. We will be going to Washington dc and hopefully we will be able to get a tour of the white house. =D

I can't wait to see all my family and friends that I've left behind.

2 years in Australia

2009-08-01T17:01:00.000+10:00

It's amazing how fast time actually goes. Sometimes when you just sit around and your bored you look at a clock and an hour can feel like 5 hours. Well I'm just shocked at how 2 years has just gone by so quickly.

Well a lot has happen this year.

First I just want to mention how much I feel at home here. I have stopped dwelling on the states and the things that I've left behind and immersed myself into the Australian culture. Heaps of people have even commented on how I am sounding more Australian every day. I'm not trying to forget or leave my America behind. I'm just facing the fact that Australia is my home now. I will be here living here forever unless the United States comes up with some better form of health care. The amount of surgeries Nathan has on a regular basis. There is no way that we can afford to live in the United States.

A year of my life in pictures.

Bondi Beach

I voted Obama

I reached my 10% at weight watchers
The kill house (Halloween)

Huntsman spiderMy mom and my niece Kyra came for Christmas.

Swimming in the backyard on Christmas day Nathan had a conference in the Blue Mountains.

Our anniversary gift to each other was a Kitten.

He really has made our lives better.

I don't really know what else to say, I'm happy here. I love it here. I also think the best decision I made since moving here was going back to school. It gave me that opportunity to meet Australians and immerse myself into the culture and lifestyle.

I have not yet been back to the States yet. However we are planning a trip in December and January.

You can read about my 1st year in Australia here

Our news broadcast

2009-06-24T17:38:00.001+10:00

One of our assignments was to create a news broadcast about anything of our choice. We did the filming, acting, and the editing.

A Girl named SuperMindy

2009-05-12T06:32:00.002+10:00

This was one of my class assignments. We had to make a 15 second animation about ourselves.

Hydroponic food factory

2009-04-23T21:38:00.003+10:00

My amazing, talented, brilliant husband made us a Hydroponic garden in our backyard. He worked so hard on this I am just beyond words to explain how proud I am of him.

We are growing Celery, Strawberries, and Lettuce.

You can check it out here. Oh and while you are there checking it out. why don't you create an account and vote for him.
Come on it only takes like a minute to create an account. I promise you they don't spam your email with anything.

If he wins this contest he wins this laser cutter.

It's really cool, you can engrave your ipods, create wooden sculptures. Here see for yourself, check out what this thing can do.

This is one of our favorite examples.

So PLEASE go here and vote for Nathan, PLEASE

I'm back

2009-04-09T13:10:00.003+10:00

I think that I just kinda got bored of blogging. I've obviously never been that great at writing. So I kinda let this blog go a bit astray.

I'm not going to make any promises to get this back in motion but I do hope that one day I start to post again on a regular basis.

So just to update somethings...

It is now school holidays. The end of the term. I have 1 term left until I finish this year at TAFE. Which will mean that I will have a certificate 4 in Digital Media. I then plan on moving onto the Digital Media Diploma course, that will be 2 years long.

I really really love this course. You probably already know that though.

Recently I finished revamping my website, it has a brand new look. I also created a website called Mindy's Australian Adventures. Both pages started out as a class project. I have a web design class which I love. Our first project was to create a web page with our resume and portfolio on it. I took that and ran with it to recreate supermindy.com. Our second project which was to take something of interest to ourselves and make a web page about it. I choose Sydney, and since I have so many pictures of different places I've seen and done in this city. I thought why not turn it all into a website.

To all those Sims fans who might be out there and disappointed my Sims houses are gone. I do apologise for that however I am also making an entire new Sims website. Especially with the Sims 3 coming out soon, I thought i probably should make an entire new site for that.

Weight Watchers has been a bit of an up and down struggle. Since my web design class is on Thursday, I have to miss my Thursday weight watchers meeting. I hate that I have to miss that meeting. I really feel comfortable there. I have tried other meetings but I don't like the leaders or the people. They aren't the supportive loving people I met on day one of starting weight watchers.

I was able to go to my Thursday meeting today (school holidays)though. It was fantastic from the moment of walking into that meeting I was told how wonderful I look, how much I've been missed. I was so encouraged and given so much support there. I walked out feeling absolutely fantastic about myself. I have not had that at any other meeting I've been to over the last 2 months.

By the way weight watchers updates
Feb 25 - Loss of 2.1 (4.6lbs)
March 4 - Gain of .6 (1.3lbs)
April 3 - Gain of .6 (1.3lbs)
April 9 - Loss of .3 (.6lbs)

Movie Poster

2009-03-25T07:36:00.002+11:00

This is a movie poster I made for class

Check out what I made

2009-03-20T08:35:00.001+11:00

I love school

2009-02-21T23:08:00.002+11:00

So this is a bit of an update on just about everything.

First of all I've been back at school for about a week and a half now. I love it!! I love all of my classes this semester. The only downfall I have about this semester is my 4 day schedule.

I have class
Tuesday from 9am-4:30
Wednesday from 12-2
Thursday 8am-11 (During my weight watchers meeting)
Friday 2-5

It doesn't seem too hard however it really messes things up for me. I was planning on getting a part time job, however since I have class 4 days a week it kind of makes it harder to find a job. I did apply to about 5 jobs today. So hopefully i'll be able to make a little extra money.

I'll have to find a new weight watchers meeting because my meeting is on Thursday from 10-11 and since I'll be in class I obviously can't attend both. It scares me to have to go to another meeting. I have gotten so comfortable with this meeting. I have been attending it for over a year now. I am afraid of taking that step out of my comfort and safety and stepping into another meeting. At least it will only be for the semester.

Nathan Had surgery on Friday, He has had this same procedure done about 4 times since I've been living here. He has this hereditary disease called Peutz-Jeghers Syndrome, You can read about it here. Basically he has polyps growing inside his stomach and bowel and if they become to large they can explode, and leak poison inside his body, and he can die, Or if there is too many of them then they can block his bowel and his stomach which could cause serious problems.

So I just wanted to let everyone know Nathans surgery went fine and he was home that night.

My mom and Kyra's Australian adventure- Part 1

2009-02-04T09:00:00.005+11:00

As you all know my Mom and my niece Kyra came to Australia to visit me. They arrived on 19 December and left on 15 January.

I had the BEST time with them. It was so hard to say goodbye to my Mom again. I just really loved having her here. She really is my best friend.

While they were here we celebrated Christmas. Now Christmas in Australia means instead of having a white Christmas you get to go Swimming. It felt so weird listening to Christmas music in the swimming pool.

We also went to the Taronga Zoo in Sydney. I've been to this Zoo 3 times now and I still love it. I always make sure to see a seal show. This time we were in the second row. I wanted to make sure Kyra would be able to see the Seals really well. One part of the show was about 3 feet in front of us, and we got splashed with water. She really enjoyed it.

Coming soon Mom and Kyra's Australian adventure - Part 2

Weight Watchers update

2009-02-03T14:41:00.002+11:00

I know it's been a long time since I've posted how I've been doing. Well I still go to weight watchers I haven't stopped. I just haven't felt like posting my results. It really hasn't been anything to be proud of.

Here is an update from the weeks I haven't posted.

6 Nov 2008 - Skipped (Week after Halloween)
13 Nov 2008 - Lost 1.7 Kilos (3.7 lbs)
20 Nov 2008 - Gained .2 kilos (.4 lbs)
27 Nov 2008 - Lost .3 Kilos (.6 lbs) Thanksgiving Day
4 Dec 2008 - Gained 1.4 Kilos (3 lbs)
11 Dec 2008 - Skipped (I don't remember why)
18 Dec 2008 - Lost .9 kilos (1.9 lbs)
25 Dec 2008 - Closed Christmas Day
1 Jan 2009 - Closed New Years Day
8 Jan 2009 - Gained .3 kilos (.6 lbs)
10 Jan 2009 ***My Birthday***
11 Jan 2009 ***Nathan's Birthday***
15 Jan 2009 - The day my mom was leaving to go back home to the states. Didn't go because we had a lot to do and had to be at the airport.
22 Jan 2009 - Skipped weight watchers.
29 Jan 2009 - Gained 2.5 kilos (5.5 lbs)

Total - Gained 1.5 kilos (3.3 lbs)

Starting weight - August 2007 - 167 Kilos (370 lbs)
Weight now - February 2009 - 147.6 Kilos ( 325.4 lbs)

Total Loss of - 19.4 Kilos (44.6 lbs)

I'm going to try to keep up to date with this blog and with my weight loss. I still go to the gym every evening after we have dinner. So I have not slacked off in my exercise routine. I've just been not watching what i'm eating. Most of that downtime has been during the holiday season. So there was lots of food available and I didn't stop myself.

hopefully i'm back on track now. School will be starting back up soon and i'll be back to having a normal routine.

2 more days until my Mom and Kyra arrive.

2008-12-17T12:46:00.003+11:00

My Mom and my niece Kyra will be leaving in 10 hours to come and see me.

I am just beyond excited to see them. My niece is only 18 months old. The last time I saw her was at my going away party, she was a month old.

My sister and I aren't very close, we never have been. We always fought growing up over everything, never got along, and we're both complete opposites on just about everything.

Sometimes I wish that we would have that kind of relationship that I see with a lot of sisters. That one day we would get along, and be best friends and stuff. Go shopping together and be able to just call each other and talk for ages.

So this is pretty exciting that she would be willing to give up spending Christmas day with her first and only baby is just beyond nice. She won't even have her husband there for Christmas.
Her husband is in the Navy and is on the ship out in the middle of the ocean somewhere for 9 months.

So thank you Christina for letting me spend Christmas with her.

Merry Christmas

2008-12-15T11:51:00.003+11:00

I know it's been ages since I've posted a blog entry. I'm very sorry for neglecting this blog. I just haven't felt like blogging recently.

However I didn't want to go through the whole holiday season and not say Merry Christmas to everyone.

Where were you when you heard the news?

2008-11-06T09:30:00.003+11:00

Nathan and I took the day off from work and school yesterday so that we could spend the whole day watching the election coverage. Being 16 hours ahead of the East coast of the United States the polls started to close around lunch time for us.

We have both been keeping up to date with all of the election news for the last year. I voted in the Primaries and in the actual election.

Politics is very important to me. I remember in 2nd grade voting in a class election for president. I voted for Bill Clinton. (Of course being in second grade I only voted for him because he had my cousins name).

So, where was I when I heard the news that Barack Obama won the election and will be our next president?. I was sitting right here on the sofa in my computer room watching live coverage streaming from MSNBC.com.

I am still in shock and disbelief that Obama won the election. I am so proud of my fellow Americans. We did it. We really did it!!! I wish I was there to celebrate with everyone.

So yes we know how to pick a good candidate for president however we still are slacking behind in the gay marriage. What is the deal California??? Why why why!! How can 61% of Californians vote for Obama and 52% vote to ban gay marriage.

I don't understand why my friends and family can't marry someone that they love and have already started a family with.

Halloween Party

2008-11-02T21:05:00.006+11:00

The party was a huge success. We had such a good time.

It was so cool Jesus showed up,

and we had a hooker

We all had so much fun. It was a pretty crazy night.

Happy Halloween

2008-10-30T17:17:00.004+11:00

First things first. Today was weight watchers and yet again I gained weight. Gained .8 kilos (1.7lbs). However I am just not caring today.

Now that's out of the way.

We finished the kill house today, and I finished decorating for the Halloween party tomorrow night.

Here is another teaser of the kill house

The only thing missing was a proper pumpkin. Here in Australia it's very very hard to find an orange pumpkin. They always have these weird looking small green pumpkins.

After reading about how much fun Emily and Melyssa had carving their pumpkin I had to get one.

I have been searching everywhere and I finally found one at Woolworths.

Yes the pumpkin really did cost 20 dollars.

We took this beauty home

And carved it.

The kill house

2008-10-27T07:37:00.005+11:00

I'm having a Halloween party here in Australia for some of my friends from school. They have never experienced Halloween and keep asking me loads of questions related to the amount of candy you get when you dress up in a costume and go door to door.

They were shocked to here that my sister and I would dress up and carry our pillow cases out in the neighborhood and not come back until they were filled to the top with candy.

Last year I had a Halloween party for Nathan's nieces and nephews. They loved it! This year will just be an for the adults though.

I have a shed in the back yard that would work perfectly as a little haunted house. Nathan and I are obsessed with the tv show Dexter. So we decided to set up our haunted house like a Dexter kill room.

We lined the walls, and ceiling with plastic and used tools to splatter the blood on the walls. Looks AMAZING.

I'll give you a little glimpse into our Haunted house.

Three little pigs

2008-10-23T13:53:00.003+11:00

One of our assignments for school was to make a poster. We were given 3 concepts to choose from. I choose to make a fairy tale play poster aimed at adults for the Sydney Opera House.

I choose the 3 little pigs.

It's a political satire about president Bush as the big bad wolf and the 3 little pigs are the American people (Lower class, middle class and upper class).

Oh and by the way, I gained .1 kilos (.2 lbs).

Which America do you live in?

2008-10-23T07:43:00.001+11:00

Late Entry

2008-10-22T08:23:00.000+11:00

Late Entry #1 Back to school October 13

The School holidays are over and I had a great time. Nathan took the first week off with me and we got so much stuff done. The pool set up the yard all cleaned up and looking nice It felt as if summer had arrived.

Late Entry #2 Weight Watchers October 16

I gained .2 kilos (.4lbs) It really annoyed me because I had been working out at the gym and was really on track with my food intake. Must just be muscle I'm building up.

Late Entry #3 Gym

I have finally found good customer service in Australia. I know hard to believe but Australia has some pretty crappy customer service. Employees don't depend on tips, and department stores and such obviously don't care that their staff are always rude.
Well I have done it. I found a place that has some pretty fantastic customer service. Aqua fit Is a gym here in town.

Nathan and I joined the gym a couple of weeks ago and they did an assessment on both of us. Set us up with the machines, taught us how to use them, and what sorts of equipment we should use to achieve our goals. It was fantastic. I felt so comfortable with the lady who was doing my assessment. Her name is Steph and she deserves something special for being so nice and understanding with me.

Yesterday we did a boxing class. It was so much fun. I could not believe i could enjoy exercising so much. Seriously i think i have found my exercise calling. I can't wait to go back next week. Well hopefully we go back next week. Nathan unfortunately hated boxing.

It's something I would prefer to have a partner for also. otherwise i would just get partnered up with some stranger and i don't really want to work with someone I'm not comfortable with.

Weight watchers is tomorrow and I'm really hoping i have lost weight. Gosh I have worked so hard this week i can barely move all my muscles are in heaps (Australian for lots) of pain

I finally did it!!

2008-10-09T14:07:00.004+11:00

I have reach 2 of my goals this week!

At weight watchers today I lost a massive 1.7 kilos (3.7 lbs).

First goal- Lose 50 pounds. I have lost 50.4 pounds (22.8 kilos).

Second goal- Reach my 10% loss at weight watchers. Today I have reached my 10% loss of 16 kilos (35.2 lbs) (I lost 15 pounds before joining weight watchers) and for reaching your 10% at weight watchers they give you this little charm Once you've reached your goal weight they give you the key chain to put the charm on.

Well screw waiting for goal weight that's going to take ages. I put the charm on a necklace and I'm wearing happily today.

Honestly I don't know how I managed to lose weight this week. I haven't really exercised much at all. I also wouldn't say I was even that great on my diet this week.

Ah well I did it and that's what matters. I am just beyond excited.

Hmmm celebration dinner tonight perhaps? ;) ;)

Oh and Nathan and I joined a Gym the other day. We haven't been yet to work out because Nathan needed to get clearance from the doctor. So we are starting the Gym on Monday.

I'm pretty excited about it surprisingly because I'm not too keen on exercise however I have been enjoying the Yoga on the Wii fit so I'm hoping to feel confident enough to do some yoga classes.

It feels good to vote

2008-10-07T14:52:00.006+11:00

I had received my absentee ballot last week and spent this weekend researching all the Maine local stuff that was on the ballots that I was not familiar with.

Anyways I voted for whom I thought would be the best choice for president of The United States. If you know me or have read my blog at all then you already know who I voted for. It's no surprise there I'm a democrat. I voted for Barrack Obama.

I feel that he is the right candidate for the job. He will get us out of this worthless wasteful war, and do what he can to get us in the right direction towards a universal health care system.

If you haven't been keeping up with the election news, or you haven't been following the debates, and interviews you can find most of them at C-SPAN

I hope that everyone does get out there and vote. If you are voting for Obama or McCain it's very important to make your voice heard. So go vote.

Oh and if you haven't seen or heard of it yet. Micheal Moore has a new documentary called Slacker Uprising. You can watch it for free if you are in the United States Or if you're not in the United States (Like me) and you still want to watch it. Then you can watch it on Youtube.

It's really good it's about the Election with Bush and Kerry.

Now if you'll excuse me i'm going to kill this damn fly that has been buzzing around my head the whole time I've been trying to write this blog post.

Countdown

2008-10-05T11:16:00.002+11:00

Myspace Countdowns, Fun Countdowns at WishAFriend.com

My wonderful amazing mother will be here in ^^ that many days!!! I can't wait! She is also bringing my beautiful niece Kyra with her. They are going to be staying for a month (December 18th until January 15th).

I can't wait for my mom to see how much weight I've lost. I also can't wait for her to see where I live and meet my friends that I've made.

It's been too long without having my mom around.

My sister is also giving up her baby girl for Christmas so I can see her. I've only seen her in person once and that was just after she was born and just before I moved here. She will be 18 months old when she comes with my mom. She won't know who I am but I hope by the time she leaves she will remember me forever.

I wish I was getting all 3 of them but i'll have to settle for 2 :) (Kyra is the youngest)

Waffles

2008-10-02T21:08:00.003+10:00

Apparently I took a holiday from my weight loss this week, I gained a kilo (2.2 lbs). I was soooo close to that 10% loss, and that 50lb mark. I just sent myself backwards again.

Although it's not all bad news I entered into a weight loss challenge on the Yanks down under forum and I came in 2nd place! The prize was to pick 1 thing of my choice from Mary Kay.

Also today Nathans childhood dog Waffles had to have surgery for this big lump in his neck. He had it removed and we should find out within 2 weeks if it's cancer or not.

6 days into school holidays (Vacation)

2008-10-01T11:42:00.003+10:00

We finally have the ground level and the pool up. 17 1/2 bags of dirt later our small yard is now a pool.

Seriously the whole yard is the pool.

Now I just can't wait for it to get hot outside.. I got in the pool earlier today and it was pretty damn cold.

I procrastinate

2008-09-25T09:05:00.001+10:00

First things first.. I lost another 1.3 kilos (2.8 lbs) this week!!! YAY ME AGAIN!!!!

I just wanted to let everyone know that i am soooooooooooo close to losing a total of 50 pounds!!! Next week it's mine. So far i'm at a total loss of 49.5 pounds (22.4 kilos)!!

Also next week i'm hoping to hit my 10% loss at weight watchers for a total loss of 16 kilos (35.2 lbs). I lost a big chunk of weight before starting weight watchers.

So hopefully i can keep myself on track this week even though it's school holidays (vacation). Nathan is also taking the first week of my holiday off with me. So we get to spend some time together. I'm also hoping to be able to catch up on my emails, comments, and messages on myspace/facebook.

I am such a horrible friend/family member. I have this really bad problem called procrastination. I am really shit at keeping in contact with people. So many friends and family have tried contacting me in the past oh 2 months or so and i just have been neglecting all of them.

No real reason.. i've just been procrastinating the reply email or message. So to all those people out there trying to reach me.. Gosh i'm sorry i've been so slack.. I'll try to make it up to you all.

Things are looking up

2008-09-21T15:05:00.004+10:00

The weather has been gorgeous this last week, Who wants to be inside blogging when they can be outside at the beach, or in the back yard setting up the pool and doing some gardening.

Last week I went to Bondi beach with Laura. It was my first trip to Bondi. As always Australia stuns me with it's beauty.

This weekend Nathan and I have been sooo productive getting shit crossed off our lists. Ahh how wonderful that feels to be getting stuff done. I planted some Tomatoes (Yes I now pronounce them (to mah toes) not (to mae toes) anymore), baby cos lettuce, and some chives.

We were also setting up our pool we bought ourselves back in August with our anniversary gift money we received from my wonderful mother.

However once we put the water in we realized it probably is not going to work out well in that spot. The ground is not very level but we thought as we were setting it up.. eh surely it's level enough.. well surely we were mistaken. We now have to take the water out and move the pool forward some more. Hopefully that will be more level.

There is something about this beautiful spring time air that just brightens my mood and makes me happy. It could also be that I have 1 more week of school until school holidays (Australian for school vacation).

Either way I am happy.

YAY Me!!!

2008-09-18T14:40:00.001+10:00

I'm at class right now but I just wanted to let everyone know that I lost 1.5 kilos (3.3 pounds) today!!!!!

YAY!!!

TAFE (Australian for Community college)

2008-09-15T07:55:00.008+10:00

I have been at TAFE for 8 weeks now. I am loving every minute of it. Honestly I didn't know school could be this fun.

School has always been known as a scary place to me. Being the fat girl who was shy and also had panic attacks. I would beg teachers to let me go to the nurse to make up an excuse so my mom will come and pick me up.

It never changed even in high school, i would catch the school bus to school and then leave campus and hang out at the mcdonalds or the grocery store all day long until it was time to catch the bus home or i found a ride.

This time I wanted to change that. This time i'm still fat but i'm not the girl i was before. This time i have confidence. This time I am a whole new person.

I have been outgoing and making friends. I have even been having a couple party/get togethers at my house. Speaking of i'm throwing a Halloween party for some friends. (Invitations will be going out as soon as I get ink for my printer)

This time school is fun and no longer a scary place that I have to worry about.

I got my first assignment back with my grade.

The assignment was to pick a country and style of music and make a cd cover for it.

I choose Mexico Mariachi bands

My grade is 47 out of 50

Late Entry

2008-09-12T08:54:00.002+10:00

Weight watchers was yesterday and I gained another .3 kilos (.6 pounds). Considering I had just completely given up at the beginning of the week, and got my urge to force myself back into it on the night before weight watchers. I feel okay about that small gain.

Nathan will be getting his bonus and raise soon so we are hoping to go back to the gym every evening after dinner. I'm really looking forward to it. It always made me feel good about myself after having a hard workout on the treadmill and coming home and sitting down watching tv or playing a computer game feeling like I've earned this sit down.

To my fellow Americans

2008-09-07T20:50:00.002+10:00

Please please please don't forget to register to vote and go vote this year.

Even if you're an ex pat like me you can still register to vote with an absentee ballot http://www.fvap.gov/ go to that site and find out what you need to do to register.

I know it's a tedious task to ask of everyone to register but this is a very important election. We really need everyones help to change the country towards to better.

If you haven't watched this amazing speech given by Barrack Obama at the democratic convention you are missing out. This speech nearly had me in tears. I was agreeing with him on nearly everything. Plus he is just a really great speaker.

I watched John McCain's speech also but if i wasn't yelling obscenities at him then I was bored out of my mind. He is dull and fake.

I am pissed off

2008-09-04T10:18:00.002+10:00

I am sooo pissed off right now so fair warning this post may offend.

I went to weight watchers and i gained .6 kilos (1.3 pounds) I am just so pissed off at everything right now.

I am pissed off because i eat right, i go for walks, i do everything i'm supposed to do and i still fucking gain weight. I am just beyond upset at the moment.

I am pissed off at skinny people who think they are sooo fat.
I am pissed off at this chair because it's fucking missing a wheel on it and i feel like i have to balance my fat ass.
I am pissed off at my husband for getting mad at me for not going for a walk last night
I am pissed off at myself now for not going for that walk.
I am pissed off at myself for being an emotional eater and as soon as i found out the result on the scale i grabbed my stuff and rushed home and made a cheese burger and scarfed it down like it was the last cheese burger i would ever eat.
I am pissed off that i am so far away from my mom because i really need her right now
I am pissed off at myself for failing another week
I am pissed off that i'm home alone right now and could really use a hug
I am pissed off that i'm being such a baby about this
I am pissed off that i put myself in this situation by eating so much and being so damn lazy which lead me to being this fat in the first place.
I am so pissed off that i am crying right now.
I am pissed off at everyone treating my mom like shit
I am so pissed off

A bit of a disaster

2008-08-31T18:51:00.010+10:00

Ages ago now it seems(May) I bought 2 boxes of Angel food cake mix at the Myer <3s NY sale. Well I gave one to a friend and I kept the other one for when strawberries came into season. I didn't want to waste an angel food cake without making a strawberry short cake with it.

So anyhow today was the day I decided to make the angel food cake. I bought fresh strawberries at the farmers market in Sydney.

Got everything ready even borrowed the proper pan from Nathan's mum. Mixed up the cake batter and poured it into the pan.

I put it into the oven and as it started to cook I noticed the cake topping over the pan and onto the bottom of the oven. The house began filling up with smoke, Nathan didn't seem too worried so we let it cook to see how it would turn out. I thought we would just have a lot to clean up later but maybe we will still have a decent Angel food cake.

It looked like a big giant mess you can't even see the cake pan but underneath all that yummy goodness is a cake pan.

When it was ready I carefully took it out of the oven and placed it upside down on a glass like the instructions said too.

Let it sit like that for just about an hour and half (Nathan and I got impatient)

It actually turned out to be a pretty yummy cake (Minus the charred black bits)

Clean up wasn't as bad as we both expected it to be. Once the cake was done the cake that fell to the bottom of the oven was a black charred mess and we just scraped it up with the spatula.

I finally got to enjoy my strawberry short cake. It sorta reminded me of "home"

open minded

2008-08-29T16:20:00.004+10:00

I'm a pretty open minded person. I listen and try to understand why people believe and think the way they do. However I have my own opinions and I too try to share my views with other people. Not trying to convert them to my way of thinking but just as a way of sharing another point of view on a topic.

I really hate it when someone is so forceful with their opinions and views that they try to convert everyone around them to their way of thinking. Like bible thumpers who go door to door trying to convert people to their religion.

Recently I read something about a vegan who claimed anyone who ate meat on a regular basis was like a Nazi supporter. In terms of animal cruelty. I found this terribly insulting.

Humans are carnivores we eat meat. We as humans follow along in the natural food chain. Animals kill other animals for food, That's how they survive, Well we as humans do the same thing we kill other animals for food so that we can survive. Just because someone chooses not to eat meat or animal products does not mean that has to be the way the rest of the world lives. Just because I drive a car does not mean everyone has to drive a car.

Some might claim that killing animals for food is animal abuse, That's fine you can think that. I think getting your children baptised/christened forcing them to believe in such a mystical creator as god and home-schooling is abuse to your child. That's my opinion and some might find it insulting however that is how I feel.

My point being, I eat meat, but that doesn't make me inhumane or anything. I still care about animals and animals rights and such.

I just can not think of a title for this entry

2008-08-28T11:33:00.002+10:00

I stayed the same this week. However I am very content with that. Not because I pigged out and am just happy that I didn't gain but because I always gain weight this week.

Seriously if you look back in my weight watchers book you will see that every month at this time I gain weight. Gee wonder why that is? Well if you must know it's the week just after my period.

Actually I did very well this week. Nathan and I went for walks nearly every evening after dinner. I ate well i didn't binge or feel like i needed to eat everything in the kitchen.

I also made low fat blonde brownies this week for snacks. I would post the recipe if I actually thought they were any good to make again. But trust me no one is going to want to eat these things. Unless they are the only thing you have left to eat and you must have something.

Hmm Which may also lead me to why I didn't gain this week. Because we only had those brownies to snack on. Seriously our house is bare of food this week. I have had to be very creative when it comes to dinners and lunches. Lots of PB&J (That's peanut butter and jelly (jam) for you Aussies) sandwiches for Nathan and I.

Nathan gets paid monthly and we usually do a big grocery shop at the beginning of the month and then a smaller grocery shop in the middle of the month. It's just easier that way for us. anyways since it's the end of the month we are just a low on things.

Tetris

2008-08-26T11:14:00.005+10:00

I guess I should be posting this over on the artsy stuff blog.. However I think this is beyond artsy stuff..

Nathan and I together made a Tetris Clone. He did all the coding for it and I did all the graphics. You can even download it and play it. Click Here to read more about it and download it.

This is my first time actually working on a game. I've made a couple small things here and there for Nathan but never like this.

Nathan's goal is to Make 1 game a week for a year. So I'm sure I'll be making a lot more graphics and such for his next games.

Don't forget to check Nathan's Game Blog

Weight Watchers Weight Watchers

2008-08-21T12:42:00.003+10:00

I am back on track ladies and gentleman. I went to weight watchers today and I lost 1 kilo (2.2 pounds). YAY me!!!

I had lost my motivation since my Aunt left. I don't really know what happen but I just kinda fell apart and stopped caring about weight loss. However my Mom just gave me a pretty good incentive to get back on track. If I lose 25 pounds by the time she gets here in December then she will buy me 100 dollars worth of new clothes. If I lose 35+ pounds then she will buy me 200 dollars worth of new clothes.

I just have to lose at least .65 kilos (1.45 pounds) a week. That doesn't sound that hard. errrr maybe :P

It's good to have that little bit of motivation. I have now started walking again and watching what I am eating.

One of the ladies in my weight watchers group just won the slimmer of the year award for NSW. That is an amazing award to receive. She has lost something like 40 kilos. She was in the local paper with her before and after pictures. I never saw her when she wasn't at her goal weight so looking at her before picture was like WOAH She really did lose a lot of weight.

I couldn't help but think as my weight watchers leader handed her the award that that could be me in another year or 2.

Hip hip hooray

2008-08-16T14:17:00.004+10:00

We went to a birthday party today for our niece who just turned 5. Nathan has 10 nieces and nephews so every weekend feels like another birthday party.

Today however the party was at the Yummy Cafe. They have playground sets and all sorts of things for kids to play and do. It's a cafe for kids basically. However I enjoyed myself immensely while the kids were all eating I enjoyed the playground equipment, climbing up and sliding down. Of course my butt was a bit too large to fit properly on the slide.

Being here in Australia for a year I have come to find Birthday party's to be a bizarre experience.

First of all when the cake comes out the kids all sing happy birthday but at the end of the birthday song everyone starts shouting "hip hip hooray hip hip hooray" Which I thought was odd but meh whatever I can deal with that. However the horrifying part comes after the singing.

Once the singing stops and everyone shouts then it's time to cut the cake. In my family it's always been the parent cuts the cake and the birthday girl or boy gets the first piece. Well here it's a bit different they put a big sharp knife in the hand of a child and have the child cut the first piece. Yes you heard me right a big sharp knife in the hands of a child. The first time I saw this happen was last year at this time when I nearly had a heart attack that no one was taking this knife out of this kids hand and everyone was just acting as if this was normal. I was panicking the whole time and thinking to myself how can anyone think this is a good idea.

While the child is cutting the cake if he or she hits the bottom of the cake then he or she has to kiss a person of the opposite sex that is closest to them at the table.

At the end of the birthday party the guest of honour hands out presents to his/her guest who attended.

I'm not sure if all of this is Australian traditions or just Nathan's family. However I just don't think I can put a big sharp knife in the hands of my little baby and have him or her cut into the cake. I just have a fear of that image in my head turning very badly

Who am I kidding

2008-08-15T14:25:00.002+10:00

I skipped weight watchers this week.

Excuse #1 I was too involved in an assignment for class.

Excuse #2 I wasn't feeling well and didn't want to leave the house

Excuse #3 ah fuck it

No more excuses I didn't go to weight watchers because i pigged out all week long and didn't want to face the result on the scales.

I thought that if I just skipped it and told no one then no one would notice I didn't go. Well who am I kidding, I'm only making it worse for myself next week.

***

Anyways for the sake of not having to make 2 blog posts on the same day I made a new blog for my artsy stuff. You know the graphics, paintings, drawings, and random stuff I make.

Just click on the icon below or the icon over on the side bar.

City 2 Surf

2008-08-14T09:14:00.007+10:00

On Sunday Nathan and I went to the city to meet up with Laura and her family for breakfast and to watch the race.

For 38 years Sydney has a city 2 surf race starting at Hyde Park and ending at Bondi beach 14 kilometres (8.7 miles) long.

We were standing on the side of the street in Double Bay, watching the racers run by and seeing all the people dressed up in costumes running/walking by

Here are some of the runners

Here are some tools

There was also a roof top band playing called Phallica, They were pretty good except for that they were rushing the songs a bit. Other than that I enjoyed them.

Apparently a 27 year old man died of a heart attack with 200 meters to go he collapsed and the paramedics couldn't revive him.

Spending the day with Laura and her family was great. She has 2 cute little boys (3 and 4 years old). The 4 years old loves computers so Nathan and I kept playing with him on the computer and He has his own email so he asked us for our info. Every day now Nathan and I receive cute little emails from him that says "hi" or "i love you" and it brightens my day.

Laura I love your family, Thanks for inviting us.

Damn it Janet!

2008-08-09T17:20:00.004+10:00

On Wednesday Nathan and I went to see Rocky Horror Picture Show, It was playing at Star City Casino in the city. Nathan picked me up from school and we caught a train into the city. When we got to Star City we were ate dinner at the buffet (30 dollars per person I can't believe we spent that much money on a buffet).

After dinner we went to our seats and got ready for the show. I had my camera with me and was taking some pictures of the actors that were walking around. Well one of the actors came and tapped me on my shoulder and pointed to the camera and waved her finger no no at me. So I wasn't able to get pictures of the show, Which was probably for the best otherwise I would have seen the show through my camera lens and not enjoyed it as much.

The show began and I'll tell you I was enjoying it from the moment it began until the moment it ended. I wanted more more more and i honestly if i had the money i would have paid to see it 4-5 more times this week.

The actors were fantastic! Rocky was so sexy, Brad and Janet so believable. The whole show just blew me away. The Dancing was amazing the singing was terrific. I can't think of enough adjectives to describe how much I enjoyed this performance.

Nathan on the other hand hated it and I could tell he was hating it the whole time. I guess I never warned him about what to expect with Rocky Horror. He I guess didn't appreciate the dancing half naked transvestites on the stage.

At the end Dr. Frank-N-Furter and the rest of the cast came out on a large penis. I would have loved to have got a picture of that for everyone.

I wish I could afford to go back and see it again.

a bit of this a bit of that

2008-08-08T13:26:00.005+10:00

Holy goodness this is the first time in the last couple of days I have had a chance to sit down in front of a computer and have nothing else to do but tell everyone what I've been up too.

Well Tuesday as you all may know was Nathan and My anniversary, 1 year as a married couple. We didn't do much that day just spent the day together. Oh of course we got a flat tire, took a half an hour walk to Nathan's mums house for afternoon tea, and had fajitas for dinner.

Wednesday Nathan dropped me off at school, I had class until 4pm then he picked me up and we went straight to the city to see Rocky Horror Picture Show at Star City Casino. Now I'm not going to go into much detail about the show in this entry because it was so good it needs it's own entry. However I had a fantastic evening!

Then yesterday I had weight watchers (lost .4 kilos .8 pounds). It's not much but at least it's a loss.

I then met up with some friends from TAFE and spent the afternoon together hanging out until 2 when we headed over to the school for some seminars. One of the speakers was a guy from Nickelodeon. He was fantastic. Told us what it's like to work for Nickeloden, how he got into the field, what he does, and also gave us interview tips, and tips on how to make our applications stand out. It was fantastic to get this kind of information.

Right from there I rushed home with no time to iron my clothes or anything I put my wrinkled outfit on and quickly did my make up as I'm rushing out the door to the station to catch a train to the city with Wiimotes in hand.

We met up with Mike (Nathan's old room-mate from uni) and Kimmy a friend from an online forum Nathan and I met on. She is here from Holland for a month, However this is the end of her stay so she is leaving tomorrow. We went to Mikes house in North Sydney and had dinner and played 4 player wii games and just hung out. I had such a great time. However we had to cut the evening short because Nathan and I rely on the train to bring us home and the last train leaving the city to Campbelltown would be at 11:38 so we rushed out the door and to the station caught a train to North Sydney and because of track work we had to catch a bus from North Sydney to Central Station. (Unless you live around here this is probably all too confusing for you) It took us 2 hours to get home. By the time we did get home we were so exhausted and the train had no heat so I was freezing. (Winter in Australia)

Oh and my camera battery died so I didn't get any pictures however Kimmy got some so once she gets home and uploads them I'll probably show you all.

Still having to get up at 6am so Nathan can go to work today, (Poor Nathan has to work on so little sleep) I got home from dropping Nathan off and tried to take a bit of a nap but all I could think about was what I was going to blog about and such so I managed to get no sleep just a lot of tossing and turning.

Nathan's Mum then picked me up at 10am because we had plans on going to see Mama Mia this morning. Which turned out to be a really good movie. I suggest everyone go and see it.

edit- how could I have forgotten to tell everyone that I actually ate Kangaroo yesterday. Mike was making himself a kangaroo burger and I tried a piece of the kangaroo and it actually wasn't that bad. I expected it to taste disgusting and replusive but it didn't.

Married for a year.

2008-08-05T06:35:00.004+10:00

Honestly I just can't believe that it's already been a year. It doesn't feel like it's been that long.

1 year ago today I walked down the isle to Nathan and told him I would marry him. It was by far the greatest moment in my life. I knew I was making the right decision. Nathan is and will always be the man who I want to spend the rest of my life with.

I can't even imagine my life without him right now. He is everything to me he completes me no matter how cheesy that sounds it's complete honesty.

We are just so much alike that it's kinda bizarre he is like a male version of me almost. However we do still have our differences, He is a coder and I'm well I'm a wannabe Artist. We both love creating things and have so many new and exciting ideas running through our heads constantly that we probably won't complete anything fully but we both still enjoy the idea of creating something new.

This year has been so amazing, He has been by my side through my homesickness, through my mental breakdowns, through my emergency room visits in the middle of the night because I just completely refused to go to the doctor or hospital for anything until it becomes so serious that I have a 104 degree temperature.

He has listened to my whinging (Australian for whining) about how I hate this and this and this about Australia and how this is bothering me and how I hate this and that. He listened to it all and just let me vent. Major props for him for putting up with me for so long.

I love you Nathan, and I'll always love you forever

Are you from.... Canada?

2008-08-03T21:09:00.002+10:00

Being an American living in Australia I am constantly asked these same questions over and over again every time I meet someone new.

How long are you staying for? Forever and ever and ever and ever and ever get the point?

Do you like it here? Of course I like it here, As if I would tell you that I hate it here, Because that would just bring up a billion other questions I don't want to answer.

Have you tried Vegemite? Yes I have and found it horribly disgusting.

I have begun to find this terribly annoying, Yes I know I'll have to deal with it the rest of my life however I would rather drill my teeth out with a screw driver.

I'll admit I too am guilty of asking such stupid questions to everyone I talked too that had an accent when I was in the states. To those people if you are reading this, I am soooooo terribly sorry for being so ridiculous and uncreative with my questions.

Now that I know and understand how annoying it is you can bet your bottom dollar I will never do it again.

Bargains

2008-08-02T17:05:00.002+10:00

How much do you think this cost me?

If you guessed more than 13 dollars you are wrong. This baby was 12.95 at Coles today. Yes!! Considering I was looking at the same sort of things at The Good Guys and Big W today and the cheapest I could find was at Big W for 54 dollars this is a massive bargain!!

Of course it's not any special name brand or anything but it works fantastic, Nathan and I made some milk shakes with already and I am so anxious to chop an onion in it. I hate cutting onions they always make my eyes burn and if this little baby can prevent that from happening I'm going to fall deeply madly in love with it.

1 year in aussie land

2008-08-01T07:34:00.006+10:00

My Mom and I on the plane just as it landed

~~1 year ago today I stepped off that plane and onto Australian soil.~~ Ah that sounded cheesy
Okay 1 year ago today I moved to Australia. I'm not saying at all that it was an easy adjustment, It was hard at first and now I'm finally just getting use to living here.

The first 7 months I was here I was living with my in-laws and it felt as if I was just a guest in this strange country, that I wasn't home and I was only here visiting. I was homesick most of the time missing my family and friends "back home" That's what I kept calling the united states "Back home" Finally after Nathan and I moved out on our own I finally then started to feel like I was actually home and then started to refer to "back home" as back in the states. Australia is my home now.

I'm very happy now, I'm making friends and starting a life here.

Some of the main adjustments i've had to deal with are

Grocery shopping-

Grocery shopping in Australia is completely different than shopping in the states, First of all you have to go to a mall to get to the grocery store. on the outside of the grocery store you can generally find the butcher, fruit shop, and bakery. Now these places are much better and generally cheaper and better quality to buy from than actually inside the grocery store.

Once you get into the grocery store you then have to get yourself a Trolley (Australian for shopping cart) Some stores make you pay 2 dollars(Which you do get back once you finsh shopping) for a trolley. Once you get yourself one now this is where it gets a bit complicated. The trolleys have 4 wheels that work alone. It's rather difficult to get them to go around a corner and to go straight. The easiest way I found is to keep the trolley on a slight angle.

Then once you figure out how to get your trolley moving, you go to the deli and have to figure out how much ham you want.. If you mention you want a pound of ham they look at you weird so you have to do a conversion in your head, 1 pound = roughly about 550 grams.

Oh then you have to figure out what things mean, Devon = Balogna, Rock melon = Cantaloupe, Beef mince = ground beef, jelly = jello, jam = jelly, capsicum = pepper, cookie = biskit, biskit = scone, cracker = biskit, ketchup = tomato sauce (the difference between Ketchup and Tomato sauce is Ketchup has vinegar and tomato sauce doesn't), Cordial = Kool-aid

The cereal isle is a big joke. There is hardly any choices. more conversion to deal with also Rice bubbles = Rice Krispies, Frosties = Frosted Flakes,

There is no beer, wine, liquor sold inside the grocery store you will generally find that outside the store in the bottle shop next to the butcher and the fruit and veggie market.

Driving-

Of course you're driving on the right side of the car and the left side of the road, Naturally that alone can be quite confusing. However there are even more confusing things to deal with once your behind the wheel of a car in Australia.

First of all the wipers and blinker are on the opposite sides I don't know how many times I clicked on the wipers when trying to make a turn.

When you come to the end of a road in a residential neighbourhood or a less busy area it will generally have no stop sign or anything That means you don't have to fully stop you just yield to the coming traffic.

When driving down a 2 or more lane road you need to be careful. People usually just park on the left side of the road so you're constantly having to switch lanes to dodge parked cars.

Most intersections are round a bouts, after the first 5 or 6 times going through one you get use to them, and then they throw a 2 lane round a bout at you and you get completely confused again. What lane do I need to be in if I want to go straight?

Shopping-

If you want to go to the store to just pick up something small that you need you have to again go to the mall where they have the main stores like Big W, Target, and Kmart. However they are nothing like Walmart, Target, and Kmart in the states these stores are much smaller and you can hardly ever find what your looking for so then you have to go to 15 other stores just to find this 1 thing.

Then when you actually do find what you're looking for and you then realise that the price of this item is 5 times more expensive then it would have been if you bought it Walmart in the states.

If you're looking for a shop like Bed Bath and Beyond, You have to take the Freedom store, Adairs, the Shaver shop, Whisk and Spoon, Howard storage world and Bed Bath and Table and combine them all together into 1 big shop then you would have a Bed Bath and Beyond.

If you're looking for something like a Best Buy then you have a couple of choices, Your choices are for games, TVs, movies, and computer stuff you can go to JB HI-FI or Dick Smiths if you want refrigerators, washer dryers, small appliances, stoves, and that sort of stuff then your choices are The Good Guys, Bing Lee, and Harvey Norman

Then there are the things like spelling, TV, Internet, Mobile phones (Australian for cell phone) and land line phones that you have to deal with. But I won't go into that for now.

I'm sure that sounds like I was complaining most of the time but I'm really not, I've gotten use to the little quirks about Australia and I've grown to love them all. Well maybe not so much the cereal isle at the grocery store but everything else I've grown to love.

New look

2008-07-31T10:46:00.004+10:00

First off today was weight watchers, Blah I ended up gaining .6 again. It's extremely frustrating trying to lose this weight. I didn't do anything I should not have done this week. I didn't eat chocolate I didn't eat chips or fatty foods or go overboard on snacking. I didn't have any binge moments or anything. I stayed on track the whole week. However I still gained weight.

I somehow now need to pick myself up out of this rocky slump that I am in at the moment and drag myself out for a walk or 2. I need to increase my exercise.

However I am just feeling very blah and unhappy at the moment. I really thought I would have a loss this week, I really thought it would be a big loss too.

Second I changed the look of my blog again, I was really unhappy with the way it looked before it was too dark and didn't fit my personality at all. So I hope everyone likes this one. Please let me know what you think, otherwise I'll probably change it again.

and last but not least, Nathan and I made home-made pizzas the other night (Before anyone asks yes I can eat pizza on weight watchers)

Well the pizza unintentionally came out looking like Australia, So Nathan insisted I take a picture of it and then we cut it into the states.

Baby time!!

2008-07-29T17:16:00.005+10:00

This weekend Nathan and I got to see Emily and Melyssa, some of our wonderful friends here in Aussie land. Well they just recently had a baby. Kylan is nearly 4 weeks now and such a sweet little bundle of joy, with a full head of soft hair.

I didn't want to give him back.

Today I went to the city to meet up with another great friend Laura who has 2 sweet little boys (3 and 4 year olds) who didn't want to go to preschool today until they got to come and say hi to me at the cafe where I was waiting.

Later on in the afternoon Laura and I went to this toy store looking for presents for her little boys, I couldn't help myself but walk around this toy shop in aww It was fantastic they had these beautiful little doll houses and I stood there in the doll house section just admiring them and day dreaming of being able to one day buy my daughter a pretty little doll house and i'll be able to help her decorate and play with it.

All these wonderful precious kids around me is starting to make me feel a bit "clucky" I guess you would say. I really do want to have kids some day.. Maybe even soon. However am I wanting kids for the right reasons, Or am I just wanting a baby for sake of having a baby to play with, dress up, and take pictures of.

Who knows...

Accents

2008-07-25T13:43:00.002+10:00

I was browsing the American Expat forum (YDU) I visit on a regular basis and came across a thread about losing your American accents. Which made me think, I have noticed that while talking on the phone with friends and family back in the states I have been having to be explaining myself more and more. Like when I say aluminium instead of aluminum I generally get the "what are you talking about silence" Or when having to explain why I needed a rubber (Australian for eraser - American for condom) during class.

My accent is changing, I constantly find myself saying "no worries" and dragging out No to "Nooooawowowowooo" (Or however long the Australian accent makes it sound).

Spelling things also, I have the Australian English dictionary set as my spell checker and I have noticed that I am not using it as often anymore. I have been spelling colour with the u and I do spell surprise with the s instead of the z (zed).

To Australians I will always sound American and to Americans I will sound Australian. I guess I'll always be different now

Weekly weigh in

2008-07-24T10:27:00.005+10:00

I lost .6 kilos (1.3 pounds) this week!! YAY ME!!

So yesterday I had my first full day of classes and i think it was fantastic! The teacher told us to pick something that we had with us and draw whether it be keys, mobile (Australian for cell phone) or ipod whatever we had we needed to draw it. Well I decided to draw my hand bag. She however wouldn't give us or let us use a rubber (Australian for eraser). We had to draw and fix our own mistakes

Here is my hand bag

Now keep in mind before you go all judgemental on me I had not gotten a chance to complete it because we moved onto something else.

When I got home yesterday I had a letter on my door from the courier trying to deliver a package for me. So I called them back and had them deliver it this morning

It was my supplies kit for school. YAY!!

Here is all the wonderful things I will get to play with

Included is all sorts of paper, paints, markers, pens, ink, and other goodies

A new me

2008-07-21T14:42:00.006+10:00

Today was my first day of school. This morning was a struggle to get out of bed. I wanted so badly to roll over and go back to sleep. 6am always seems to come too early. As soon as I opened my eyes I realised holy shit I start school today. Immediately the nerves hit me and I was scared.

The whole morning after dropping Nathan off at the station,was rushing around in fear, Do I have this? what am I missing? Why won't the dryer dry my clothes? (Literally the washer/dryer decided today that it was not going to dry my clothes fully and I had to hang my jeans and shirt over the heater to dry.)
Then came the debate in my head about what time I should leave the house to make sure I get to the campus in time and find my class. I know that it's only a 5 minute drive from my house to the TAFE however I still left 45 minutes early for class. Who knows what could happen on the way to the school. There could have been a major accident, or I could have made a wrong turn and gotten lost. You just never know!

So I find the school and the building just fine. Spot my classroom and as right now I have 15 minutes until class should start (I had sat in the car for about 20 minutes because I knew I was extremely early and of course I don't want to be the first person in the class room)

Well I walked in and the room was filled with people, the teacher was talking and my heart just sank I was freaking out could I be late?? She tells me to take a seat so I sneak in and head for the nearest empty seat. I'm starting to panic a little as I walk to my seat (how stupid of me how could I be late what and idiot I am all these thoughts running through my mind) Then another person shows up late for the class. The teacher than says in confusion "which class are you hear for" then girl replies with hesitance "digital media?" The teacher replies with relief that this is the Graphic Design course and the Digital media course has been changed to 12. The teacher then asks who else in the class is supposed to be in digital media and a few of us in the back raise our hands..

So not only was I 30 minutes early for class but I was an hour and 30 minutes early. Apparently our teacher had emailed or mailed everyone the new time table and also the order form for the kit with our supplies that we need to purchase. Which I had not recieved.

Oh did I mention the kit with our supplies that we need to purchase. Ah yes of course. I found out today (because apparently it had been mailed or emailed to me) That we need to purchase this kit that cost 376 dollars. The man who is taking payment is only in today so if we don't purchase it today than we will have to order it and wait for it to come in or we have to go out and buy the items ourselves. Well I don't have 376 dollars just hanging around in my account. We have an ING savings account that we put all of our money into. So to get money out of the ING we can't just transfer it and expect it to be instant. We have to wait a whole day for the transfer to go through. (I might have sounded just slightly annoyed just then)

So yes of course, Not only did I show up for the wrong class but I don't have the money to buy this kit. So I stepped outside in this little court yard thing to call Nathan at work asking for him to check my email to see if I had received something from TAFE (it just might have gone to my spam box). It did it was in my spam box. The email detailing the time to show up for the class, where to go and the class schedule also with an attachment explaining the supplies kit, how much, when to order, how to get etc.. Great! So now i feel like an even bigger dumbass. At least i'm on the phone with Nathan at this point, I don't mention how panicked i am starting to feel because i want to just deal with this on my own. Besides his voice just seems so relaxing to me it doesn't really matter what he was saying it was just nice to hear him on the phone at that moment. I calmed down enough to go back inside.

I get off the phone with Nathan and walk back over to the door that I just walked out of and the door handle is broke. I walk around the corner to this alley way hoping that there is a way out of this court yard because that door is not opening. I found a gate but it happens to be locked so I walk to the other side of the court yard down another little alley way to find another gate. however it too is lock.

So now I am stuck in the court yard and I'm trying my hardest not to panic. "It'll be okay I tell myself over and over again. I'll just walk over to the door and knock on it and hope that someone sees me." So now I'm knocking and knocking on this broken door hoping someone sees me when one of the teaches walk passed and spots me she opens the door and I proceed to tell her what happen.

At this point I am feeling like an idiot. I figure since there is now only 15 minutes until class should start I walked back to that class room (Which is now empty) and sit down. To be greeted by 2 other girls who had made the same mistake as I have. They had not received the email or letter and they showed up early, and they too didn't bring money for the kit. Ah what a relief I am not alone in this mess any more. Phew and I made some new friends just by making some silly mistakes.

Sitting there in the classroom next to these 2 girls who i just befriended I couldn't help but think to myself and mumble out loud "A new me" Seriously look at me now, I'm living in Australia, I'm married, I'm losing weight, and now I'm starting school. It's a brand new me!

Class finally began and the teachers introduced themselves and introduced the course told us what to expect and such and then after 30 minutes we were than set free. I went through all of that just for a 30 minute introduction to the course thing.

Anyways I am still looking forward to this course and eager to get started with class on Wednesday

Oh of course I want to let you know my schedule.
I will be in class
Monday from 8:30 till 11:30
Monday 12:00 till 5pm
Tuesday off
Wednesday 9 till 12
Wednesday 12 till 4pm
Thursday 1:30 till 3:30
Friday off

No longer just a housewife

2008-07-20T20:12:00.004+10:00

Tomorrow I will be starting TAFE (Australian for community college). Surprisingly I'm not as nervous as I thought I would be. I feel more relieved than anything else.

However I am doing the typical nervous reactions though.
What should I wear?
Where do I go?
What's TAFE going to be like?
Will I make friends?
Am I smart enough for this?
Am I going to stick out like a sore thumb?

I just need to give myself more credit. I'm sure everything will work out just fine. I'm sure I will find my class with no problem and that I'll be able to make a friend or two. I just need to stop over reacting and think positive.

Tomorrow I will be a student.

80 blocks of cheese

2008-07-17T13:36:00.003+10:00

I had weight watchers today, I gained .6 kilos (1.3 pounds) I messed up this week and I knew exactly what I did and I'm admitting it. I ate a crap load of Reese's peanut butter cups, dove chocolate eggs, Hershey kisses and chocolate chip cookies.

So yeah I'm a bit down on myself today.. But hell I have come a really long way.

I have lost the weight of over 80 blocks of cheese

So I can either dwell on it or say Yes I fucked up now lets get back on track. I choose the getting back on track and learning from the mistake I made this week.

The Amazing Adventures of Diet Girl

2008-07-15T18:57:00.005+10:00

I recently came across this blog The Amazing Adventures of Diet Girl and it has inspired me to be more open and honest about my weight loss struggles and how far I have actually come in this weight loss challenge.

This girl reminded me of me as I was reading her story. I could relate to so much about what she says. She has lost a total of 79.6 kilos (175.5 pounds) Her before and after pictures are amazing.

So this is what I am going to do. I am not going to hide behind my weight watchers meetings and only tell them what is bothering me or what is holding me back I am going to tell every one of you as well. Maybe if I write it all down and do my weekly weigh ins on here then this will also help me to lose weight.

Right now I only share my weight loss results with weight watchers and YDU but now I'm going to share them on my blog as well. That means the losses and the gains.

Starting weight
August 1st 2007 - 370 pounds (167.8 kilos)

Current weight
July 15th 2008 -327 pounds (148.4 kilos)

Goal weight
167 pounds (76 kilos)

Total loss so far
43 pounds (19.5 kilos)

Before picture
August 2007

Current picture
July 2008

Inside the Eeepc

2008-07-13T16:57:00.005+10:00

As you all may remember from this post Nathan bought himself an Eeepc.

Before:

Well today he decided to take it apart, why you may be asking yourself this.. Well the answer is because he is Nathan, He likes to take everything apart. Actually he is taking it apart today to install some thumb drives to give himself more hard drive space. As you may know the Eeepc only has 4 gb of hard drive space.

After:

I have to admit I find him extremely attractive when he does these things. It shows off his geekyness and I have a soft spot in my heart for geeks.

Chocolate chip cookies

2008-07-11T14:57:00.003+10:00

Not to brag or anything but I just made 2 batches of the most perfect looking chocolate chip cookies.

Jealous?

My aunt is gone

2008-07-11T11:43:00.006+10:00

I am sad,

I can't even explain how wonderful it was to have someone from "home" visit me in my new home. It truly was amazing. There is a cafe at the airport which I have now labled as the "cafe of goodbyes" I remember this cafe when I had to say good bye to Nathan and return to the states, Then we all sat at this cafe when I had to say goodbye to my parents and my aunt after my wedding was over and I was finally moved in. This time I refused to sit at the cafe, It just has too many bad memories for me and I didn't want to make another one.

As she slowly walks down the gate to departure, I yell in the distance for her to come back, give her one last big hug and tell her how happy I am that she came to see me. Her eyes red and watery as she turns to walk away, She every so often turns back to wave she then comes to the corner looks back one last time and waves I blow a kiss in her direction and say good bye

She is gone

We did fit a lot into a week in a half,

We took a drive up to see the small town of Berrima and went to the Gaol(Australian for jail) museum. Went to the city to go to the top of the Sydney tower (Of course it was rainy and foggy) but we still enjoyed ourselves, Nathan and I took her to the Taronga zoo in Sydney, and then we went on a ferry ride to Manly for a day. Not to mention all the shopping and baking we did.

I hope she enjoyed her time here as much as I enjoyed having her here.

Here are some pictures from our adventures

Apple Store

2008-07-10T16:06:00.002+10:00

I am posting this message from the apple store in Sydney!!

We just left the airport, we dropped my aunt off and she is now on her way back to the states.

Alright were on our way home now.. had lots of fun here at the apple store

Edit: I'm home now

Check out this size of this monitor 30 inches oh my goodness

22

2008-07-08T07:29:00.004+10:00

First I would like to apologise for not updating for the last week or so. It's just with my Aunt here I have been very busy but I do have a lot to blog about and I will when she leaves in a couple of days.

Size 22 is my new pant size. I have lost 5 pant sizes in the last 11 months

Before:

After:

I am just so proud of myself for losing so much weight. When I look in the mirror I don't notice a difference it's when I try on something that I use to wear and it falls off of me that I notice how far I have come.

Thank you weight watchers for saving my life. If it wasn't for the wonderful support and the wonderful ladies at weight watchers I would have given up by now. However they really have taught me a lot and I love and appreciate them all so much for helping me lose weight.

I have never felt so motivated in my life. I really know now that I can do this.

I love her

2008-06-28T14:27:00.003+10:00

My aunt arrived this morning and she brought with her 2 suit cases packed with wonderful goodies for me.

I've already had a bowl of fruity pebbles for lunch. =D

It's so nice to have my aunt around, not just for the food but for the sake of having family whom I miss so much.

2 blog entrys in one day

2008-06-27T16:49:00.003+10:00

You must be thinking she must have a lot to talk about.. truth is I don't really have anything to talk about. I am however typing this from Nathan's eeepc (see entry below)

The other day I went into the city (Sydney) to meet up with FloridaGirlInSydney. She took some pictures of me on her balcony and I just wanted to share this picture with everyone

Oh and my aunt will be arriving at Sydney airport at 6am tomorrow morning. YAY!!!

Eee PC

2008-06-27T14:31:00.004+10:00

Nathan bought a new toy from eBay the other day. Well it came in today and I get to play with it until he gets home.

It's an Eee PC very small laptop, 7 inch screen 4 gig hard drive built in wireless card and web cam.. So many other neat things about it.

However check out the size of this baby compared to my old laptop (That doesn't work any more :( )

Congratulations you're accepted

2008-06-23T20:48:00.002+10:00

I was accepted to TAFE (Australian for Community college) today!!!! I am sooooo very happy about this. I applied when I first moved here however my visa status was not proper at the time and I didn't get accepted. However this time I have been accepted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I will be studying Digital Arts and Media. It starts July 21st at Campbelltown

I'll have to get new clothes, shoes, and hand bags if I'm going to be going to school I want to make sure I look nice when I meet my new classmates.. Sorry it's been ages since I've been in school and I'm just beyond myself excited.

It's going to be a full time course so Mindy is no longer going to be sitting on her ass at home doing nothing but watching TV shows on the computer.

when the hell did you become a ATHEIST?

2008-06-20T07:46:00.003+10:00

"I have just one question I love you but when the hell did you become a ATHEIST?"

That was an email I received from my very religious church going aunt whom I love to pieces and will be here in Australia in 8 days.

8 days before she arrives and she has to now find out. I've been an atheist for a little over 5 years now. I thought I was doing a damn good job at hiding it from her. Until she found facebook.
I knew this day would come eventually. Since I was the one who helped her get started using the computer and going online. I just hope that she respects me and my views and I will always respect her beliefs even though they are not my own.

I am no longer hiding my weight online so why should I hide my religious views from the people I love and care about. She was the only person I was hiding from. So now that she knows. I have nothing to hide any more.

I am an Atheist,

Here is a list of a few things that I do not believe in.
-God
-Devil
-Higher powers
-Heaven
-Hell
-Ghosts
-Karma
-Luck
-Miracles
-Everything happens for a reason
-Everything comes in 3's

I believe that when you die you do not go to a heaven where you see all your family and friends who have died before you. I believe that once you die that's it there is nothing else.

I believe in science. When science proves without a shadow of doubt that there is a god and he created the earth in 7 days, that's when I will believe in god. Until then I believe in nothing.

Crock pot classics

2008-06-16T18:54:00.003+10:00

Now I should start by saying I am a wannabe cook. I always read food magazines, food blogs, and buy cook books in hopes of making a beautiful dish. However I am so lazy when it actually comes to the cooking part. Sure I cook dinner every night for Nathan and I however it's nothing too special. We always have the regulars fajitas, tacos, steak, chicken, lamb, and mince (Australian for hamburger meat). I never do anything terribly exciting with them. We always have the normal potatoes, carrots, and corn.

I must mention my husband is extremely picky (I am picky but only when it comes to eating meat pies, sausages, and peas blah) He doesn't eat pasta, rice, 90% of vegetables, and lots of other delicious dishes. So dinner is always a struggle for me to figure out something exciting to make.

Yesterday we were told by my mother in law that Domain was having a sale and that they have slow cookers (Australian for crock pot) on sale for 28 dollars. I have wanted a crock pot for the longest time. Especially after finding this blog This woman who loves her crock pot decided to make a new years resolution to use her crock pot every day in the year 2008. How inspiring! She has posted several recipes that just look so exciting and easy.

Of course Nathan and I bought one.

So I have decided I need to stop being lazy and actually try some of these recipes. I need to make my husband less picky. I need to expand his taste bud pallet.

Tonight (Or should I say today since I used the crock pot) I made a beef stew. I didn't follow any recipe I just threw a lot of stuff into the pot and added water.. How wonderful.

It tasted beautiful. I added beef, potatoes, carrots, onion, garlic, chilli flakes, beef stock, and chives

Gosh that was nice! Nathan on the other hand didn't care for it too much.. He doesn't like stews or soups very much.

Obesity is a terrible word

2008-06-12T07:49:00.001+10:00

I have always had a problem with my weight. From the time I can remember I have always been heavy, overweight, and obese. I’m not blaming it on genetics or my parents. I blame myself. I have always had a problem with being active and social so I’ve always been the type to seclude myself in my room by myself and eat food. Food has always my comfort. Food has always been my best friend.

Facing the world has always been difficult and frightening for me. People are so judgemental. I have never been treated the way I deserve. I have always been made fun of, tormented, teased, disrespected, and ignored because of my weight.

When the internet came around it gave me the chance to be someone I’ve always wanted to be, me but skinny, pretty, funny, popular, and loved. I could be anyone I wanted online. So that’s what I did. I pretended to be someone I wasn’t. I got a web cam and took pictures of just my face. I managed to fool everyone. I learned techniques with the web cam to show how attractive I was without the fat. I angled the camera down to hide my double chin and pulled my hair down and in front of my face to hide my chubby cheeks.

When people would ask to see more of me I either refused or shared a photo of a body part that never belonged to me. I sent fake pictures so no one would question why I only have face shots.

Well the reason I am writing this is because living a double life is really exhausting. I’ve gotten to the point in my life where I am proud of myself the real me. I think it’s about time I tell the world who the real Mindy is.

Online Mindy and Real life Mindy are joining forces

Here I am world. I am Mindy; Yes I’m over weight and shy. However I’m still the same Mindy. I am funny, outgoing, friendly, creative, and interesting.

I am no longer going to lie or deceive people about myself. I am who I am and I can’t change that. I can however change my issues with my weight. I can lose weight and that I have been doing. I have lost 42 pounds (20 kilos) in the last 10 months. I have been working so hard to improve my appearance so I no longer will be ashamed of whom I am.

This all may come to a shock to a lot of people who I care about and still consider a friend. I am terribly sorry for lying and deceiving you all. I couldn’t do this any more. I can’t be someone I am not.

Sorry if I have hurt anyone in the process.

My mom is coming to Australia!!!

2008-06-11T12:30:00.003+10:00

I am sooooo gosh darn excited that my Mom is coming to Australia. She will be here from December 18th till January 15th.

Also my aunt will be here in 17 days..

I am so happy to have visitors.. It has been so lonely here without my family.

I have an appointment today with a psychologist. Finally I will have someone to talk too about my problems I've been dealing with the last couple of months. I don't think I've ever been this excited to see a psychologist. It's just remembering back when I use to see a counsellor I actually remember it helping me to talk to someone on a regular basis about these things that build up in my head.

It's an exhausting fight everyday between my brain and my mind. My mind tells me one thing and my brain tells me a different thing. I have to try and decipher what is actually right and what is wrong.

That may sound completely confusing to people who don't have a mental disorder. However just imagine walking into a busy shopping center and everyone staring at you and calling you names and laughing and making fun of you. That is what my mind is telling me. My brain is telling me that these people didn't even notice I walked in.. they're having their own conversations between their friends and family and not laughing or staring at me. not even noticing me at all. It's extremely difficult to figure out which is right and wrong.

Another thing is my mind is telling me that these ideas I have are completely sane and if I do it, it would be the best idea I have ever had and I would be brilliant. However my brain is telling me how stupid that idea is and if I do go through with it I could quite possibly kill myself. Like with the car accident I wanted to cause. My mind was telling me this is a great idea. If I just run that red light It wouldn't hurt it would be fantastic and feel wonderful. However my brain was saying how stupid that is and how if I run that light I could quite possibly kill myself or someone else.

how do you know what right and what's wrong?

I hate birds

2008-06-05T09:37:00.008+10:00

Cockatoo's

How can anyone sleep with this god awful noise.. I don't understand why so many people find these birds so pretty and wonderful. I hate them. Our neighbour feeds them or something because their is always tons of them around here at dinner time. It's extremely annoying.

This bird was right outside our bedroom window making this horrible screeching noise that I absolutely despise

Art or not?

2008-06-03T08:31:00.002+10:00

What do you think? It was very unintentional. Last week I got my creativity back but only for a moment. I started painting something that I've been meaning to work on for awhile now. Well then the creativity lost me and I stopped working on the painting. However with the intention of going back to painting after I finished lunch I never cleaned up my paints. I just left them sitting on my art desk.

Well yesterday I went into the Guest room/ art studio to check out a few things. (Where I'm going to put a bed in their for when my aunt comes in less than a month)

When I noticed I forgot to clean up my paints. I picked up the palette and noticed the paint was completely dry and the brushes were stuck to them. So instead of throwing it all away. I decided to hang it on the wall and call it art.

Is it art? or is it completely crap and I should throw it away?

Rocky Horror Picture Show

2008-05-28T14:53:00.004+10:00

Rocky Horror Picture Show is playing at Star city casino in Sydney, I've wanted to go to it since I first heard about it coming. I love the show I have the movie and the sound track I've even been to a couple showings of it back in the states. My friend Kevin does an amazing karaoke performance of sweet transvestite.

I am in love with the rocky horror picture show. Of course not as much as I am in love with my amazing husband who just purchased tickets for the show for our 1 year anniversary!!!!!!

Yes that's right my friends I will be attending a showing of the Rocky Horror Show at Star city casino on Wednesday August 6th at 7pm (Yes I'm aware that our anniversary is actually the 5th of August however there is not showing that day).

Oh I am very very excited!

Left out

2008-05-27T15:57:00.003+10:00

Well I knew this would happen eventually, Being left out of a major discussion only because I live in Australia.

My niece is going to be 1 in a few days. That's great I'm very excited. Sad though that I'm missing her first birthday and that this child probably has no clue as to who I am except that I'm a voice on the phone.

I have to eventually come to terms with the fact I'm the aunt my nieces and nephews will never know. I'll be the one who lives millions of miles away and only sees them every other year or so. They'll know my voice on the phone but they will never know me.

This hurts.. a lot

What hurts more is that my sister and her husband are doing the paperwork to decide who gets Kyra in the event of something happening to both of them. I know the chances of this actually happening is slim. However it hurts me so much that they have completely left me out of the conversation. Strictly because I live in Australia.

Instead they have chosen 2 people from my sisters husbands side of the family. If anything were to happen to My sister and her husband. There would be no question that the person to raise my niece would be someone from my brother in laws side of the family.

I have no issue with his family. They're great as far as I'm concerned. However the mere thought of not being included in such an important thing has left me feeling very sad.

I completely understand were they are coming from too. I live here I have chosen to give up my life in the United States to start a life with my husband in Australia. I can't expect them to want Kyra to be raised here in the event of something happening to them. It would be very difficult for either family to see the child since she would be living in Australia. So I get it. I really do. It just doesn't make it feel any easier though.

Lets just hope nothing happens to both my sister and her husband.

new toys

2008-05-26T14:15:00.010+10:00

Nathan and I were big spenders this weekend.

Just as we moved out of Nathans parents house and into our own place our washing machine crapped out on us. So we still had to still bring our laundry to the mother in laws. So we chatted and chatted some more and finally decided that we really need to buy a washing machine.

We did our research went to all the shops around and found the machine we wanted. Went online and researched some more read reviews and everything. Hey if you're going to make a purchases this big you have to know what your spending your money on right?

Well we decided on the Samsung washer/dryer combo. This baby can wash your clothes and dry them in the same machine!!! Saves you tons of time. The selling point for me was this thing they call an air wash function. It steam washes your clothes and then air drys them. Saving you water and electricity. 4 star water rating and 4 star electricity rating.
Not to mention it looks great. Oh and it came with a year supply of laundry soap. What more could you ask for? By the way. If your in Australia I recommended going to the good guys for everything. They are always so good to Nathan and I.

Our next big purchase this weekend was the Wii Fit. Nathan and I have loved our Wii from the moment we got this baby (Thank you miggy)! Well the Wii fit is just as freaking great. It measures your BMI, checks your weight for you and keeps you into shape with balance test fitness tests and all sorts of wonderful goodies. The types of games you can play is skiing, hula hoop, soccer, tight rope and more. It also has yoga, jogging, step aerobics. It's fucking brilliant. Well worth the money spent on it.

Facebook

2008-05-24T16:32:00.003+10:00

I must say I've never been a huge fan of facebook. I enjoyed it before all the stupid application things starting coming out but recently I've hated it and only kept it to keep in touch with family. Only Nathans family too mind you. My friends and family all use myspace.

Well yesterday I was on myspace looking through a list of people I went to high school with. I thought to myself if i could find people I went to high school with what is stopping me from searching for my best friend from elementary school. I went to elementary school in Gulfport Mississippi. I moved away just before 6th grade. So I was looking through different schools on myspace but got nowhere so I switched over to facebook. On facebook you can search by a persons first and last name. Now unless she got married and changed her last name I might have a chance of finding her.

Well of course I found her or else I wouldn't be making this blog entry. I found her on facebook. She did get married but still apparently uses her last name. I sent her a message and she replied back. She too was thinking about me that day and was going to search for me on facebook. How ironic!

I can't wait to catch up.. I mean geeze it's been like 14 years.

I am sooooo freaking in love with facebook right now. I can't believe how fantastic this is.

This would be a great time to post a photo from our child hood however when you can only pack what would fit into suitcases to move to another world you can't really bring all your child hood memories with you.

If there was a heaven

2008-05-20T16:30:00.002+10:00

this would be it.

Myer is my store

2008-05-20T15:39:00.006+10:00

I went to the city today to meet up with my husband for lunch and then go to Myer.

Myer is having a I <3 NY 3 week themed special. They are selling American food. YAY!!! Which means USA foods are at Myer for the 3 weeks. Now being an American so far from home and missing my beloved American foods I had to go see what they had to offer.

Here is the selection

I know it doesn't look like much but being so far away from everything that your use to it means everything. The lady working the tables was very pleasant and told me they are getting more shipments every day. Well of course i'm not going to make the hour long journey into the city to see what new shipments they have. However my wonderful husband works just 10 minutes from there and will have a peek for me later on in the week.

I did walk out with some goodies in hand. (I actually bought 2 boxes of Cap'n Crunch cereal but one box is being held hostage by my husband at his desk at work. He tells me I always go through my care packages so quickly that once they're all gone I whine until I get another.)

Yes I did pay 32 dollars for 2 boxes of cereal, chex mix, and a reese's bar. Go ahead think i'm insane but once you live abroad you'll understand.

Photo shoot..

2008-05-16T15:06:00.003+10:00

So I cleaned the entire house today.. from top to bottom. Took me nearly the entire day but it is spotless and smells wonderful (By wonderful i mean smells of cleaning supplies).

I am so proud of myself. I know that sounds silly. However when you're in a state of depression and the only things you ever want to do is sleep or lounge around watching tv then when you actually get off your ass and clean the whole house. It feels fantastic!! Like I actually achieved something. That is a major step for me.

Oh and I dyed my hair last night. I'm 25 years old and already have gray hair. It's just not right :( Well anyways here are some pictures of my new hair color

Okay well really, any excuse to take new pictures :P

A girl named Supermindy

2008-05-12T16:42:00.000+10:00

I'm not really sure how to start this..

I guess I'll start with saying a little about myself.

My name is Mindy and I live in Sydney Australia. I moved here to be with my husband. I'm from the United States. My father was in the navy so we moved around a lot. I’ve spent most of my life in Maine.

I met my husband online 3 years ago and we fell in love. He flew over to the United States to meet me. It was amazing. He spent a month with me. Having to say goodbye to him was one of the hardest things i ever had to do. So I then flew over to Australia for a month to see him and to meet his family. It was amazing. I loved every moment of being with him. However it had to end. I flew back to the United States and waited for the next time I'd get to see him. He then came over again for 2 months and during that time he proposed to me. I of course said yes. From then on it was trying to figure out how to move to Australia and plan a wedding from another country.

We finally got married August 5th 2007 on top of Mt. Kiera in Wollongong NSW Australia. Most of my family was unable to attend but my Mother, Father and aunt Miggy did come.

Once my family had left reality set in. This was my new home. I've had to deal with the major culture shock of moving across the world to a new country. Everything that I knew and was familiar with was no longer.

So I’ve been here in Australia for 9 months now. I probably should have started this blog a lot sooner. As I’ve had a lot to talk about. Every day is a new learning experience.

I must also let you know that I’m Bipolar and suffer from extreme panic attacks. Which brings me to why I felt that i needed to start this blog? Lately I’ve been having a lot of problems. I went a long time dealing with everything in my head and not letting anyone know about what really has been going on. Until recently when I did something that became a major wake up call to me. It made me realise that I’m not really quite handling everything by myself. So I felt I had to tell someone. I broke down and confessed everything to my husband. I went to the doctor recently to get put back on medication and see her again tomorrow to discuss an increase in the medication because it's just not good enough.

A few months ago.. I got a job (My first job in Australia) I was nervous but not any more so than the first day of work at any other job I’ve had. My new job was a diversional therapist working with psychiatry patients at a hospital. How ironic considering my past.

Anyways this job forced me out of the house it forced me to interact with people. I’ve never been good at this. I’ve always been a bit of a loner I’m not a good friend. I never call anyone I never make the first move to go “hang out”. However I do put on a good show. From the outside no one knows what goes on in my head. I can act “normal” I can be friendly and outgoing. Inside my head is where the problem really exists. I’m a very scared closed in human being who is afraid to step outside the front door to my house. The thought of having to go somewhere makes my palms sweaty, and my heart race. The closer I get to the front door my head starts to pound and my heart feels like it’s going to come out of my chest. I have pretended for so long that I can do it. I can leave the house with no problems. But that’s not really the case.

So going to work every day put me in a state of panic. Not only was I leaving but I was also going somewhere I had to interact with people and start conversations. I managed it for awhile until it got to the point where I would be having these panic attacks at work. It started out small I would move myself away from the people and take a stroll around the hospital to try to get my mind off of it. Then it got to the point where I would lock myself in the bathroom until I could handle stepping out. It kept escalating until it got to the point where I avoided the patients I was supposed to be entertaining. I would find any excuse I could to stay in my office and not have to face anyone.

While this is all happening I’m also dealing with the extreme bouts of depression that go along with the bipolar. I was fighting with my head constantly. It became so exhausting that all I wanted to do was sleep. When I wasn’t sleeping I was arguing with myself. My head wanted me to cause a car accident. I didn’t want to die I just wanted to hurt. It got so bad that on my way home from work I intentionally ran through a red light.

At that point I knew I couldn’t cope with this on my own any longer. I wasn’t dealing with it. It was running my life. I needed help. That day I talked to my husband and just broke down. I told him everything. I was scared. I don’t want to die I don’t want to hurt myself or anyone else. I really just need to get help.